With the passing of the Economic Stimulus Bill, we see the dawning of a new day. A day where every bank that makes a bad decision can count on Uncle Sam to come to the rescue. A day where every Californian making minimum wage can count on Uncle Sam to pay for the mortgage on their $600,000 lunchbox of a home. A day where single moms with 14 kids can count on Uncle Sam to pay for every aspect of her children's lives, including their conception.
Our founding fathers had it totally wrong. We don't want to declare independence. The only thing any of us want to declare is bankruptcy so Uncle Sam can cancel all our debts. Since our constitution is a living breathing document, it is only fair that the Declaration of Independence also be subject to the will of the people. Keeping this in mind, I have gone ahead and made a few edits.
We hold these truths relatively valid ideas to be self-evident, that all men people are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator Evolutionary Process with certain unalienable undocumented rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness free mortgage payments for life, Universal Healthcare and the ability to marry our cousins. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, people, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed junk bonds sold to the Chinese.
Don't tell me the new Declaration of Dependence does not represent the zeitgeist of America. Just a month ago I saw a homeless man standing on the street corner with a handwritten card board sign that said "Denied Social Security. Denied Housing Benefits. Next: Freedom of Speech." I have no doubt the forefathers are nodding in consent. Social Security, housing benefits, freedom of speech. In today's America, they are one and the same. We have become so addicted to public assistance that we can no longer distinguish between rights and social programs.
In our desperate attempt to create rights, we have completely neglected to fulfill our own individual responsibilities. We fight for universal healthcare while ignoring our own personal health. We champion gay marriage while doing nothing to preserve those marriages that already exist. We fight for the right to abort a child, while ignoring the personal choices that lead to the unwanted pregnancy.
In reality, we are not looking to create rights as much as we are trying to erase consequences. And that is ultimately what this stimulus bill hopes to do. Erase the consequences of the past 10 years. Erase the greed that saw Wall Street buy into unproven mortgage securities. Erase the foolhardiness that saw millions of homeowners buy homes they could not afford. Erase the recklessness of state and local governments who spent like sailors on leave even when it was obvious the ship was about to sail.
This stimulus bill is the economic equivalent of the Morning-After Pill. It provides short term relief while doing nothing to change the drunken behavior that got us here in the first place.
It is morning in America and we have all woken up with a bleary-eyed hangover. Good thing we can count on Uncle Sam to write us a prescription for what ever ails us. After all, today is our dependence day.