While this may come as a surprise to many of you, I am not a flesh-eating zombie. As a heartless conservative, my desire to consume the hopes and dreams of widows and orphans remains unchanged, but I have yet to develop the taste for human flesh. In fact, I think we can all agree that in Obama's America, nobody will have the means for mindless consumption.
Clearly a zombie-free America shows that the first 28 days of the Obama administration were not nearly as bad as they could have been. It is important to start any dose of constructive criticism by pointing out what the person does well. President Obama, when it comes to not turning us into the living dead, you take the cake.
As for the rest of your accomplishments in these past 28 days, well, not so much.
You think picking a Cabinet is hard, you should try picking out the curtains
The first and easiest job a President will ever have is picking out his cabinet. The list of requirements for being in the cabinet include: 1) Being a human being 2) Paying your taxes. So how could President Obama possibly screw this up so badly?
First there was Timothy Geithner, President Obama's pick for Treasury secretary. He avoided paying Social Security and Medicare taxes for several years despite being warned by his employer to do so. Of course, this minor tax problem we are willing to overlook. I mean, the guy is only going to be the head of the IRS, why would he need to know how to properly pay his taxes?
Then a couple of lesser cabinet picks, Nancy Killefer and Hilda Solis had to withdraw their respective nominations due to less than honest remittance to good old Uncle Sam.
And finally, back from the political grave, was none other than former Senate Majority leader Tom Daschle, President Obama's pick for Secretary of Health and Human Services. Surely a man who championed higher taxes on the rich for years while in the Senate would give his fair share? Alas, it appears a man who earned $5.2 million dollars in the five years since he left office could not afford the basic services of H&R Block. Who says the rich aren't hurting? Don't worry Tom, President Obama's got your back. Way back.
If you add on to the fact that both Bill Richardson and Judd Greg have turned down Obama's offer to be Commerce Secretary, you find for the first time in history a Presidential Cabinet with an unemployment problem.
Setting higher ethical standards, expect when he doesn't
When President Obama boldly stated that no lobbyist would "work in my Whitehouse" he meant it. Literally. In fact, every one of the dozens of former lobbyists now working for the President have their office space well outside of 1600 Pennsylvania. When it comes to his own ethics rules, Obama means what he says and says what he means. He just doesn't mean what you think he's saying when you think he's saying what he means. See what I mean? Among the dozen or so lobbyists-turned-Obama advisors who will never work in his White house (wink-wink) are:
William Lynn, Deputy Defense secretary who just last year was a lobbyist for a defense contractor. Certainly no conflict of interest there.
Ron Klain, Joe Biden's Chief of Staff, who lobbied for drug maker ImClone. Assuming ImClone manufactures a drug called Hypocritix®, he may be the perfect man for the Obama administration. They are clearly already taking this drug in strong doses.
A good captain always goes down with the (Bipartisan)ship
There is a U.S. President who once wrote "Genuine bipartisanship assumes an honest process of give-and-take, and that the quality of the compromise is measured by how well it serves some agreed-upon goal, whether better schools or lower deficits. This in turn assumes that the majority will be constrained by an exacting press corps and ultimately an informed electorate to negotiate in good faith.
"If these conditions do not hold if nobody outside Washington is really paying attention to the substance of the bill, if the true costs . . . are buried in phony accounting and understated by a trillion dollars or so the majority party can begin every negotiation by asking for 100% of what it wants, go on to concede 10%, and then accuse any member of the minority party who fails to support this 'compromise' of being 'obstructionist.'"
Nope. It was President Barack Obama.
Consider this quote in light of the "bipartisan" economic stimulus package just passed by congress and signed into law by President Obama. To help I have made a list of the differences Obama describes between a bipartisan and a partisan bill. See if you can tell which side of the list best applies.
-Serves agreed upon goal
-Better schools and lower deficits
-Exacting press corps
-Nobody paying attention to substance
-Understated by a trillion dollars
-Minority opponents called "obstructionist"
It is sad to see President Obama sign a supposed "bipartisan" bill when he, above everybody else, knows it is not. He clearly knows what bipartisan legislation looks like in theory, just not in practice. Oh for the days of President Bush when the only words that would haunt him were his dumb ones. It looks like President Obama will always be haunted by his smart ones.
Maybe we can keep Guantanamo Bay open if we turn it into a Planned Parenthood?
What President Obama has achieved in 28 days says even more about his failures. In just 28 days he managed to begin closing Guantanomo Bay and he reversed the executive order restricting federally-funded abortions over seas. I think we can all be proud to see a President who rushes to provide terrorists with greater opportunities for freedom than unborn –third world babies.
Regardless of how you feel about these issues, how can the President justify wasting any time on such low-priority, low-importance issues when, by his own words, we are facing a dire economic crisis. Its like watering your plants while the house burns down.
Zombie or not, this administration has left me just the same way the previous administration did: with an unquenchable thirst for brains.