Sunday, August 31, 2008

Moving On Up

Now that Sam has christened the new house by peeing on the floor, I guess we can say that we have officially moved in! Huzzah! For our little family, this now makes six different houses in the passed seven years. Needless to say, when it comes to moving, Robyn and I are pretty much experts. However, this move has been different than all the others because, for the first time, we are moving into a house of our own. This may be our sixth house, but it is our first home. Here are a few thoughts I feel moved to share (Worst. Pun. Ever.)

Families are not solid, but rather liquid. They will quickly move to fill any space they are given. We have added an extra bedroom and almost an additional 1000 square feet and, somehow, it already feels like it is too small. Of course that feeling of claustrophobia is probably the result of the mountain of unpacked boxes filling each room.

Old diaper boxes are the best boxes you will ever find for moving. They are easily stacked, you can fit most anything inside, and they have holes in the sides for handles. When you move as much as we have, you learn these types of things.

Grass is a fickle, demanding master. Feed me. Water me. Weed me. Mow me. Caress me. Love me. I feel like we adopted another child.

Every time I move, I am glad I am Mormon. With just a few phone calls I was able to get complete strangers to show up at my house on a Saturday afternoon to do all the brute labor that I am incapable of doing by myself. Joining the church is worth it, just for the moving plan.

The perfect house is a lot like the perfect man. It does not exist. The trick is learning to love what you got.

We all have a terribly distorted view of what is necessary to survive. I spent two years of my life, as a missionary, sleeping on foam pads on the floor with only two desks and two chairs filling the entire one bedroom apartment. If I wanted a nice glass of cold water, I had to boil it first and then put it in the fridge for a whole day. Now look at me, I would not survive two minutes without central A/C, a comfy couch, and my king sized mattress.

If I ever get carpel tunnel syndrome, I am suing the loan company. Having to initial and sign a document proving that you read and signed the thing that you just read and signed? I am sure somewhere deep inside that mortgage contract I promised away my first born son.

Graffiti is the single worst property crime possible. Sure burglary and arson may destroy one home, but graffiti destroys every home in the neighborhood. Other crimes can be committed by people who don’t live there, but graffiti is always local. The only thing that graffiti says loud and clear is that this neighborhood is full of crappy neighbors.

The second most satisfying thing in the world? Putting the brand new key into the brand new lock on your very first home. The most satisfying thing in the world? Carrying your wife across the threshold of your very first home.

Our Master Bathroom shower contains a bright canister light above it in the ceiling. I have never had a light in the shower before, and I must say, it is very disconcerting. I am not used to seeing quite so much vivid detail.

Craigslist is the single greatest innovation since Ziploc bags. Great looking, six seat kitchen table? $400. Twin bed frame for Tyler? Free. The trick when you are emailing the potential vendor is to come off sounding one part nice and friendly and another part desperate and pathetic.

With all the genetic engineering going on these days, how come no one has engineered the Strawberry Banana. That would be the greatest fruit in history. I know this has nothing to do with owning a home, but that is something I had to get off my chest.

We have a mesquite tree in our backyard that well represents Texas. It is big, beautiful, makes for a great BBQ, and is filled with half inch thorns that will punish anyone who dares walk barefoot near by. On the list of famous Texas icons, it deserves a place right alongside the lone star, Armadillo and Type II Diabetes.

Good fences don’t make good neighbors. Blinds do

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